


(You Got Me On A) Cliff's Edge

by Chlexcer



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drunk Sex, F/F, GIRLee, Growing Up, Internalized Homophobia, Romance, Smut, Teenage Drama, girl!EXO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 04:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7560307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chlexcer/pseuds/Chlexcer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If anybody had told Junhee that she would be in bed (in Gwiboon’s bed, no less) with Choi Minah before the end of the first semester she wouldn’t have believed them for a second because, 1) Junhee wasn’t into girls, and 2) Minah didn’t even like her. When the unthinkable happens, Junhee finds out how much of a bitch self-discovery journeys can be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(You Got Me On A) Cliff's Edge

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the third round of the girl!EXO fic exchange, and I enjoyed every bit of it!  
> The moment I saw this prompt I knew I had to make it mine. Girl!EXO and GIRLee are my favorite things in the entire world, and 2ho is one of my major otps.  
> Due to the way the prompt was written, Minho's girl name is Minah and not Minjung.  
> Warning(s): internalized homophobia, homophobic slurs, drunk sex  
> I really hope you enjoy it!!

On her last year of high school, Kim Junhee was not only fulfilling her role as vice-president of the Student Council (she would have run for president but Gwiboon had sworn she would never talk to her again if she dared run against her), but she was also a member of the choir club, of the _decoupage_ club, and of the debate team. On top of everything, she also tutored geometry to two underclass girls on Saturdays and attended cram school three nights a week. People often asked her how she managed to get excellent grades in almost every subject when she was so busy, but she had never known what to answer. She just liked keeping herself busy, she supposed.

“I have two theories,” one of her best friends, Junghee, said once during lunch at the beginning of senior year. “You either sold your soul to the Devil in exchange for crazy academic all-mightiness, or you use a Time-Turner like the one Hermione had in Harry Potter. There is no other explanation.”

Junhee had laughed about it then, but a few months later she really wished she had a Time-Turner.

She had overslept for the first time in her entire academic career and she was running late to class. 

It was a good thing that she lived only a few blocks away from her school, but not even the relative closeness could undo the fact that she had already missed the first two periods, marring her flawless attendance record. 

Junhee only felt more relaxed after reporting her tardiness to the discipline inspector, but as soon as she stepped out of the office –still out of breath after having run non-stop all the way from her house— she started running again, this time towards her classroom. She was just bending around the corner when she ran full-force against another person. The impact was so strong that Junhee ended up falling over, hissing when her bare knees scraped against the linoleum floor of the hall.

“Woah, watch where you’re going!” The other girl called her out. Apparently, the collision hadn’t been enough to throw her off balance.

“I’m sorry— I’m just super late, and…” Junhee started to apologize while she rubbed her knees, but when she looked up at the other girl, who was offering her hand at her, she saw it was Minah. Choi Minah; same year as her, different class. She was famous for the dozens of trophies she had won for their school in both soccer and athletics in interschool competitions, for being super tall, and for rumors regarding her sexual orientation that she had never bothered to address.

Minah was also _kind of_ her friend since the tall girl had been Junghee’s and Gwiboon’s classmate and friend back in middle school, and Gwiboon and Junghee had become Junhee’s good friends since they had been in the same class since first year. They all had lunch at the same table nearly every day in the school lunchroom ever since first year of high school, along with Baekyeon and Minseon, and they hang out pretty much all the time. To the entire school, they probably looked like really close friends.

However, there had always been something strange about her relationship with Minah. 

Nothing _too_ strange, though; just a few things that had prevented them from going past the slightly awkward initial stage of friendship. Junhee had tried to bridge the gap between them plenty of times by talking to the taller girl individually both in person and through Kakao Talk, but none of their conversations had gotten too far. She gave up after almost a year and a half of trying to approach her more intimately, accepting that perhaps Minah didn’t like her that much after all and that –whether she liked it or not— she couldn’t be friends with everyone. 

Baekyeon had once told her that maybe Minah was jealous that she had stolen her old friends, and Junhee supposed that also made a lot of sense, but that had been during first year. She had missed Baekyeon and Minseon a lot since her own old friends had ended up in the other class –the same as Minah’s—, but that didn’t mean she held a grudge against the tall girl. And she supposed that, if that had been the case, she should have gotten over it already.

Minah’s already wide round eyes widened even more when she saw it was Junhee who had fallen on her knees on the floor of the school hall. “Junhee! Oh my god, I’m so sorry—! I didn’t know it was you—! A-Are you okay?” The tall girl crouched next to Junhee to be at the same eye-level as her, her long black hair swaying with the movement. She put her hand on Junhee’s shoulder, though her touch was shy.

Junhee nodded, but Minah didn’t let her go until she had helped her stand up completely. “Minah, hi! Thank you… I’m fine, don’t worry. And anyways, I’m the one who should be sorry— I was the one who was recklessly running in the halls, which is actually against the rules, precisely because things like this happen and people get hurt.”

The tall girl chuckled, and Junhee noticed that there was a light blush on her bronze skin. 

_Cute_.

“Did you get hurt, though?” She asked, and Junhee was suddenly aware of the pain in her knees. She lifted her leg, slightly bending it so she could look at her knee with the school’s blue pleated skirt out of the way. There was a red scratch marring her skin, but other than that she was okay. It wasn’t so bad.

“I guess not; not really,” Junhee smiled, looking up at Minah. “What are you doing out of class, anyway? Do you have your hall pass?”

Junhee had been half-joking, but Minah took out a card from her uniform jacket and presented it to the vice-president with a small flourish. Junhee giggled softly, but she noticed Minah looking away pointedly after she had laughed.

“Bathroom”, the tall girl said, a little dryly.

“Ah, I see,” Junhee started, feeling a bit disheartened when Minah didn’t look back at her again. She looked down at her own shoes, awkwardly. Things could never be too comfortable between just her and Minah – whenever it looked like their conversation was getting somewhere, Minah shut her down. Junhee sighed briefly, already used to it. “Well, I hope nobody else crashes into you today. I’m really sorry, honestly—“

“Oh, it’s really fine, Jun, don’t worry,” Minah interrupted. She only met Junhee’s eyes again when she added with a smaller voice, a smile just as small on her lips. “See you at lunch?”

Junhee nodded. “Yup, see you at lunch”

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

“Hey Minseon, can I ask you something?” Junhee asked, putting her Star Wars-themed mechanical pencil down on her math homework and turning around to look at her friend, who was lying on her belly on Junhee’s bed, her ankles crossed and lifted in the air. Since the _decoupage_ club meetings finished at the same time as the soccer team practice –of which Minseon was the captain—, the two girls had made it a tradition to go to Junhee’s house afterwards to work on their homework and study together. Minseon’s parents or her girlfriend would pick her up after work, in the formers’ case, or after college, in the latter’s case, and Junhee enjoyed the time she got to spend with one her closest friends even if it wasn’t much.

Minseon hummed, nodding. Her friend’s light brown hair was cut into a pixie cut, and there were a bunch of small cute earrings adorning the shell and lobe of her ear. Junhee sometimes wished she could pull off any look as effortlessly as Minseon could.

“It’s just… Do you think Minah doesn’t like me?” Junhee asked, and Minseon turned her head in her direction after a few seconds, an eyebrow raised.

“Choi Minah?”

“Yeah?” Junhee answered, a bit unsure.

“Our Choi Minah? My classmate Choi Minah? My co-captain Choi Minah? The sweetest, loveliest human in the world Choi Minah?” Junhee nodded unsurely, suddenly wishing she had kept her mouth shut and her insecurities to herself, but Minseon continued, her inquisitive eyebrow raised even further and the hint of a smirk on her lips. “You’ve had lunch with her every day for the past two years and a half and you’re still asking that?”

Junhee shook her head. “No, but— I mean… Yeah, kind of. It just… It has always been kind of weird between us, I guess, and since you know her a lot more since you are always together in class and in the soccer team, and all that, I thought that maybe you knew something…” 

Minseon giggled, waving her off, but her smirk grew even bigger. “Well, I do spend a lot of time with her. We’re very close, actually… But don’t you think I would’ve told you before if she really didn’t like you? Trust me, Jun: I know for a fact that she doesn’t have a problem with you, like, at all. She’s just—”

“—Wait, hold on.” The vice-president interrupted Minseon with a puzzled frown. “Have you guys talked about me behind my back, or something? How do you know that,” and she added, adding air quotes for further effect, “’ _for a fact_ ’?”

Minseon rolled her eyes.

“Of course we’ve talked about you, nerd. Friends talk about friends behind each other’s backs all the time, that’s what friends do.” Junhee was about to retort when Minseon added. “And perhaps I shouldn’t say this, but… She thinks you’re cute. So she gets shy…”

Junhee stopped at that, her frown turning into a pout as she looked down at herself. She had never been particularly self-conscious about the way she looked, and while she did think she was kind of pretty, she also thought she was more on the average side with her short height, her average dark brown, shoulder length hair, and her average dark eyes. Her waist was narrow and Baekyeon said she had a nice butt, but she didn’t feel like she stood out. Especially not in a school uniform and surrounded by her admittedly gorgeous friends. 

“She thinks _I_ am cute? But _why_? And also, how do you know?” Junhee asked, curiously.

Minseon sighed. “Because, my friend,” she started. “Just like you, straight girls, enjoy talking about boys during lunchtime, us lesbians also enjoy talking about girls. Cute girls, at least. And you are pretty cute, believe it or not, so it was unavoidable, really.” She shot Junhee her best exaggerated wink, but Junhee interrupted her again.

“Wait, so is it true that Minah is a…?” She started, but she didn’t finish her statement. The word felt foreign and a little heavy on her tongue.

“What, lesbian?” Minseon asked, casually. Junhee nodded, a bit shy. “Yeah. She doesn’t even bother hiding it— not that I do, but anyway. She’s cool with it, but she prefers not to go around shouting it. Did you really not know? I thought everybody knew, at least in the group…”

Junhee shook her head, even more disappointed. “No, I didn’t know… See? This is why I think she doesn’t like me… We never talk outside of the group chat, and I don’t know much about her other than what you guys have told me. We ran into each other today when I was late to third period, though... And I don’t know why but I always feel like there is something awkward between us! At first it was okay, but then she started getting weird, like she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.”

“Well, Jun—“ Minseon was about to say something but her phone started ringing with the ringtone Junhee knew her friend had set up specially for when her girlfriend Lu Hua called her; some cheesy ballad from the eighties that Minseon loved because despite her cool looks and style, she had always been a hopeless romantic. Junhee tried to focus on her math homework while Minseon talked, but her short-haired friend hung up only a few seconds later.

“Hua is outside your house. Says she’ll take me to McDonald’s if I’m fast enough, so I gotta run,” Minseon said, her excitement evident in her voice as she threw her jacket on and crammed her notebooks in her backpack. Junhee chuckled, a fond smile on her face. Lu Hua had been the previous captain of their school’s soccer team until she graduated the year before, and Minseon and her had been dating for more than a year. Junhee thought it was romantic how they tried to spend as much time together as possible despite their tight schedules, which had only gotten tighter since Lu Hua had gotten into college and started studying business.

“Run, then. Tell her I said hi!” Junhee laughed, and Minseon ruffled her hair in a friendly goodbye gesture.

“Will do. Bye, Jun! See you tomorrow!”

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Junhee wasn’t a lesbian.

Right?

She had had a boyfriend with whom she lasted a little under six months during her second year of high school, a guy called Kim Jongdae from the all-boys school across the street from her all-girls school, and while they never got around to actually having sex, she had never not enjoyed the other sexy stuff they had done together, even if it hadn’t been much either.

Whenever she thought about sex, and whenever she masturbated, her thoughts were of strong muscly arms wrapped around her, big hands roaming her body, the kind of abs only idols and actors could have, and of course, dicks. She didn’t think about a woman’s body – she didn’t think of kissing lips coated in cherry-flavored lip-gloss, she didn’t think of tits, and she didn’t think of a girl’s soft, sweet voice moaning in her ear as she pushed her fingers deep inside of her—

Well, not that often at least.

But it was normal, wasn’t it? Perhaps it was the media’s fault, for shoving over-sexualized female bodies down everybody’s throats – that was what she told to herself, at least, whenever she caught herself thinking about not-so-heterosexual stuff, like eating another girl out, smooth, soft thighs framing her head instead of her ex-boyfriend’s hairy ones, and flipping a uniform skirt out of the way before slowly slipping down some cutely patterned cotton panties—

She rolled over on her bed, groaning and pressing her legs together tightly to relieve some of the heat that had started growing in the pit of her stomach. She forced herself to think of unsexy stuff, like split ends and dandruff, abandoned puppies, or stubbing her toe on the corner of her bed. 

She hissed at the last thought, simultaneously blessing and cursing her vivid imagination.

She kept on playing different unsexy scenarios in her head until she managed to fall asleep.

Whether she was gay or not was a problem for another day. First, she had to make the best out of the four hours of sleep she could get after cram school.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

The debate team meeting got cancelled that Tuesday afternoon because the teacher was sick, and while Junhee would generally complain, it wasn't like she was mad about being able to go home earlier than usual since she also didn’t have to attend cram school. A free afternoon was nice every once in a while. Baekyeon was also in the debate team, and so the two were walking towards the exit.

Baekyeon’s eyes were glued to her phone, and she was tapping fast on her screen, the Rilakkuma decoration that hang from it –a present from her boyfriend for their one-hundred-day anniversary— tinkling with the movement. “Dammit, Chanyeol isn’t reading my texts!”

Junhee chuckled as she looked away from her friend, who was frantically texting her boyfriend, and out at their school’s courtyard. “Perhaps he’s in class?” She said, a bit distractedly. A few meters away, the soccer team was practicing in the field like every Tuesday and Thursday, and Junhee could see the girls of the team running around in their bright shirts in the sunny, warm afternoon. She could see Minseon and the large ‘99’ written on her back just below the word ‘captain’, but she also noticed that Minah was wearing a shirt of a different color – probably because she was the goalkeeper.

“He’s not in class…” Baekyeon said, a pout evident in her voice, but she gasped all of a sudden, and drove Junhee’s attention momentarily away from the tall girl keeping the goal right when another member from the team kicked the ball in her direction. She got to see her jump to cover the goal, though, along with the way her muscles tensed and stretched, the way her long black hair swayed in a slightly messed up ponytail, and the way her face changed into one of extreme concentration. She missed the moment when she stopped the ball from going into the goal, though, but what little she had seen had been enough to make her cheeks color with a soft blush. 

She blamed it on the sunlight.

“He answered! Fucking finally…” Baekyeon exclaimed, but Junhee wasn’t really paying attention to her.

As the two girls kept on walking towards the school exit, at a slow pace since Baekyeon was still texting her boyfriend, Junhee looked at the courtyard once again, and for some reason, she couldn’t keep her eyes away from the goalie. Since they had gotten closer, Junhee could see the tall girl’s forehead glistening with sweat, some stray hairs sticking to her forehead, and she could see the way she bit her lip in concentration, her eyes following the ball. However, when they were passing right by the goal Minah caught a glimpse of the two girls and of Junhee staring at her. Their eyes met, and the vice-president waved hello and smiled at the tall girl, though she felt like a deer caught in headlights.

Minah’s eyes widened momentarily, but Junhee felt glad when she saw the other girl returned her greeting with a small wave and a smile of her own. It would have all been great if the distraction hadn’t ended up with Minah almost getting hit by a soccer ball that flew right in front of her face and straight into the goal post.

Half of the girls of the soccer team cheered, Minseon included, but Minah seemed extremely embarrassed for a moment. Junhee felt sorry about distracting the goalie from her practice and she hoped Minah didn’t hate her for that. She was pleasantly surprised when the tall girl gave her a thumbs up and a shrug.

Many hours later, after Junhee had gone to bed and she was trying to fall asleep, all she could think about was the way Minah’s bronze skin had glistened with sweat under the spring sun, the way her long black ponytail had swayed when she had jumped to stop the ball from going into the goal, and the way her eyes had sparkled with passion and concentration.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

“Hey, Jun”, Gwiboon said as she put away some files away inside of a binder. They had just finished their weekly student council meeting that took place every Wednesday, and while the other members had had to rush to their after-school activities, Junhee could always stay behind along with Gwiboon to make sure everything was in order because she only had cram school left to attend at night.

“Yeah?” Junhee asked her friend as she saved the document where she had typed the discussions the council had had during the meeting.

“Since finals are starting in two weeks and then it’ll be summer vacation, I was thinking about having a sleepover with the group at my place on Saturday before none of us has time and it becomes impossible to set a date to see each other. It always happens during holidays and it’s depressing…” Gwiboon said, sitting down on the chair next to Junhee after she had put the binder away on a shelf of the student council office. She smiled, then. “We can watch movies, and do each other’s makeup, and forget about school for once, and since my parents won’t be home since they have a cousin’s wedding in Daegu during the weekend we could also sneak in some alcohol. I can get Jinki-oppa to buy some wine for us,” she said, wriggling her eyebrows. “What do you say?”

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Junhee said yes, of course; she had only rarely been able to say no to a get-together with her friends and only when she had been far behind with school projects. Her motto had always been that, while getting good grades was extremely satisfying, getting hugged by her friends when she got a bad grade was just as, if not more satisfying. And she would be lying if she said that the idea of drinking alcohol with her friends –which was perfectly legal since everyone had already turned eighteen years in international age— didn’t seem appealing to her.

Gwiboon’s home was relatively close to hers, a cute two-story house with a flower garden in the backyard. When Junhee arrived in the early evening of Saturday, after tutoring geometry to Jungah and Sehyun from second year, everyone else had already gotten there. From the entry, Junhee could see that the living room’s furniture had been rearranged to fit the sleeping bags on the floor (though two lucky people would get to use the couches –one of them being Gwiboon, naturally), and what seemed to be Lady Gaga’s latest album was playing in the background, though the music was almost absolutely silenced by the sound of her friends’ voices talking loudly.

“Just leave your stuff wherever, and don’t worry about sleeping arrangements because we’ll decide who sleeps where later. But one of the couches is mine, obviously,” Gwiboon said as she guided her to the living room. “My parents left me some money so we can order pizza. And also! Oppa bought a bottle of wine for us, but Junghee and Baekyeon also brought some stuff! We’re going to have so much fun!”

Everyone greeted her warmly, but even after their small yet pleasant exchange in the school courtyard, there was still something strange about Minah. She had looked at the floor when she flashed her a peace sign, and Junhee didn’t know why she blushed. Was she still embarrassed that she had missed that ball? Junhee didn’t blame her for that; Junhee could probably never catch a single ball shot at her direction to begin with. The conversation she had had with Minseon a few days ago had left her feeling slightly uneasy, too, and way more observant about how Minah behaved around her and with her – Minseon had said that Minah found her cute, and she had also said that Minah liked girls. She was a girl –and a cute one, in Minseon’s opinion, and in Minah’s too, apparently—, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything, right? Junhee thought lots of boys were cute, but she didn’t necessarily _like_ them.

She tried her best to ignore the strange vibes she got from Minah –the ones she had always got from her but that had gained a new dimension after her conversation with Minseon— and focus on having fun instead, and she found that it wasn’t hard at all.

Three hours and plenty of gossip and laughter later, there was almost an entire pizza left, though there were two empty boxes of family-sized pizzas beneath it. More than half of the wine Gwiboon’s boyfriend had bought still remained, though they had already drunk the soju and vodka Baekyeon and Junghee had brought. Everyone was way past the point of tipsy, lying and sitting on the floor in a mess of cushions, pajamas, and sleeping bags. Junhee’s head was buzzing; she hadn’t drunk alcohol in a while, and her hands and face were a little numb. It was a nice feeling, all in all, especially since she was surrounded by her friends’ laughter. 

“We should play a game,” Baekyeon said, and Junhee saw her turning around so that she would be lying on her stomach but propped up on her elbows. “Let’s play ‘Never Have I Ever’.”

“Oh, great idea! Junhee will lose, though…”, Junghee said, smirking in Junhee’s direction. Junhee blushed and tugged at Junghee’s light brown hair, which caused her to yell in exaggerated pain, but also laugh.

“I won’t lose!” The vice-president declared.

“Any rules?” Gwiboon asked, sitting up and pulling her dyed red hair into a bun (the only reason she had been allowed to keep her hair that color was that she was the president of the student council and in the honor roll).

“Hmm…” Baekyeon hummed thoughtfully. “Whoever’s done the thing has to drink from their glass, and drinking is not allowed if you haven’t done the thing. Oh, and obviously, no lying allowed!”

“Sounds good. You start,” Gwiboon ordered as she poured herself more wine.

“Okay,” Baekyeon started, tracing her index finger over the rim of her glass. Suddenly there was an evil glint in her eyes and she shot a smirk up at Junghee. “Never have I ever been with a younger boy.”

Everyone laughed as Junghee glared at Baekyeon, but she still took a sip from her glass.

“How younger is he than you, though? A year?” Junhee asked, curious. None of them had ever met Taemin, the boy Junghee was smitten with, and she had actually refused to tell them his name at first, fearing that they could find information about him from a source that wasn’t her own mouth – something that was absolutely out of question. She had only come clean about the name of the younger boy she was secretly dating about two weeks ago, but she had yet to tell them how old he was.

All they knew was that they had met at the music school Junghee attended a few times a week and that his dancing skills were out of this world.

Junghee shook her head, her cheeks red. “He’s turning seventeen internationally in like, a month, okay?”

“He’s sixteen?!” Minah exclaimed, laughing. “He’s a baby! You’re eighteen!”

“Shut up, Minah, he’s also a total babe, so who’s the real winner here?” Junghee defended herself, and she almost took another sip from her drink but Junhee stopped her.

“You’ve never shown us pictures of him, so how can we know if you’re telling the truth?” Junhee said.

“Sixteen-year-old boys are never babes, I’m sorry Jung. But good luck with your boy toy, cougar,” Gwiboon said, amused. “Who’s next?” She looked at Minah, who was sitting next to Baekyeon’s right side on the small circle they had formed.

“Me, I suppose.” Minah said; there was a confident smirk on her face. “This is easy. Never have I ever kissed a boy.”

Everyone, even Minseon, drank from their glasses. Junhee couldn’t help but grimace at the taste of the wine, still not fully used to it despite all that she had had to drink already.

“Woah, even you Minseon?” Junghee asked after putting her own glass down, and the short haired girl nodded.

“Yup, even me. Although I only did it to get two guys, two of Hua’s Chinese friends, Tao and Yifan, to kiss. No regrets.” Minseon explained, shrugging.

“That’s my girl,” Junghee wiped an imaginary tear from her face. “Who did you kiss? Does your girlfriend know about this scandal?”

“Hua’s friend, Yixing. And actually, it was her idea,” Minseon said before Gwiboon reminded her it was her turn to play. “Oh. Hm… Never have I ever… Ah, I don’t know! Never have I ever sucked a dick?”

Baekyeon, Junhee and Gwiboon drank, as it was expected – but Junghee also stole a sip from her drink. The red-haired noticed and pointed an accusatory finger at Junghee.

“I saw that! Oh my god, you’ve sucked his dick already? Junghee, you can’t suck the dick of the boy you’re babysitting! Have his balls even dropped yet?!” Gwiboon shrieked, and everyone laughed except for Junghee who simply rolled her eyes, her blush intensifying.

“I’ll pour all the wine I have left on your mom’s precious white couch if you don’t cut it out, Kim Gwiboon, I swear”, Junghee threatened, and Gwiboon tried to perform a zip-up gesture over her mouth but she kept on laughing. In the end Junghee sighed in defeat and started laughing as well. “Jun, it’s your turn. Don’t be mean.”

Junhee chuckled. “I’m never mean! Okay… Never have I ever…” Junhee started, thinking hard. 

She looked around the circle to try and get an idea with which she could ruin one of her best friends, but her eyes stopped when she noticed Minah had her wide, dark brown eyes set on her, and their gazes met. It was like two days ago in the courtyard all over again, but for some reason it felt like the sun was Minah herself. Junhee looked at her, at the way she was sitting with her legs crossed and using one of her arms for support, at the way the hot pink tank top she used as pajamas revealed the tan skin of her collarbones and her small cleavage, at the way her black hair was braided prettily –all Baekyeon’s work—, and the way her dark lips were slightly parted. Junhee didn’t know why she stared, nor did she know why Minah didn’t look away while she blatantly checked her out. _It’s the alcohol’s fault_ , she tried to reason with herself despite all she had had to drink. She licked her lips. “Never have I ever kissed a girl.”

The trance she fell into when her eyes found Minah’s broke as soon as she realized that everyone around her except for Baekyeon was drinking. Her jaw dropped when she looked at Gwiboon and Junghee. “You two—?”

Junghee shrugged. “Truth or dare game in middle school. I had to kiss her—but really, she kissed me. By the amount of tongue she used you would’ve thought she was the gay one among our friends. Jinki-oppa must be into snakes, if he’s with her,” she finished, smirking playfully at the red-haired who flipped her off.

“It was my first kiss, you asshole, I had no idea how the whole tongue thing worked!” Gwiboon defended. Junghee and Junhee laughed, but then it dawned on her that Minah had also drank. She had kissed girls before, and while it shouldn’t have been strange, it suddenly made her ask herself dozens of questions. Had Minah dated a girl before? Was she currently dating a girl? Junhee hadn’t known for sure that the soccer player wasn’t straight until a few days ago, after all, so she might as well have a girlfriend. 

Did her parents know that she was not straight? Had she ever had sex with a girl? How did girls have sex to begin with? Was it anything like the porn videos she had seen? (Though she would ever admit that she had seen lesbian porn videos to begin with). Did fingering count as sex? 

Minah had large hands and pretty long fingers, probably longer than Jongdae’s had been; they would probably feel really, really good inside of her—

“Is it different from kissing a guy?” Junhee asked, though she wasn’t even sure about why she was insisting on the topic, much less why she asked her question while looking straight at Minah.

“Why don’t you try by yourself?” The tall girl asked, causing everyone to go silent, Drake’s _Hotline Bling_ sounding in the background. Junhee’s sight was blurry at the edges so she didn’t see the small look of panic Junghee and Gwiboon shared each other. She did see Minseon’s jaw dropping as she turned to look at Minah, though then she smirked slightly and looked away while giggling into her hand. Junhee didn’t have enough concentration in her to worry about the way Baekyeon reached for her phone, probably to take a picture in case something happened.

Something that every cell in Junhee’s body begged for her to do, and that didn’t sound bad at all to her alcohol-clouded brain.

“Okay.” Junhee said, flipping her hair over her shoulder, and without giving it a second thought she crawled across the circle kind of clumsily, trying not to get tangled up with the sleeping bags. She stopped and kneeled in front of Minah, and she couldn’t help but bite her own lip as she looked at the other girl, taking the liberty to check her out again just as shamelessly as before, tilting her head as she looked more closely at the exposed bronze skin of the other girl’s shoulders, her collarbones, her neck, and the attractive freckles scattered here and there like constellations. She barely missed Minseon’s soft, amused _’oh my god’_ , but her drunk brain helped her shut it out and not give it much importance.

“Minah, please don’t do anything you might regret,” Gwiboon warned behind her, but Junhee blatantly ignored her.

She leaned in with her eyes closed, and she was surprised when Minah’s lips met hers halfway. Junhee forgot about the world that very instant; the only thing she could think about was the way Minah’s thick lips pressed against her own, how she kissed her fervently despite being surrounded by all of their friends (perhaps Minah was just as drunk and far gone as her), how Minah cupped her cheeks with her big warm hands, how she brought her own smaller hand to Minah’s waist, and how heat started to pool at the pit of her stomach when she felt Minah tilting her head, their tongues meeting inside of Junhee’s mouth.

“Woah, girls, girls, time out,” Junghee said, grabbing Junhee by her pajama shirt and pulling her back, forcefully breaking the kiss. “I’m sure Junhee got the point, Minah— kissing girls is cool, no doubt about that, but if you’re gonna keep on doing that we might as well invite Hua-unnie, or Chanyeol, or Jinki-oppa, or Taeminnie to keep us company, don’t you think?” She stopped and rubbed Junhee’s shoulders briefly, but she looked at Minah when she asked. “You okay?”

Junhee didn’t see Minah’s face, but she heard her voice, which sounded almost proud when she spoke. “Never been better.” 

It caused her to smirk.

She returned to her seat, eager to keep on playing if she the possibility of kissing Minah again existed, but they stopped playing almost right away. Gwiboon claimed that it was getting way late and that they should probably go to sleep if they wanted to get some proper beauty sleep –a proposal that Baekyeon seconded.

They cleaned up their space as best as they could, the activity and the noise distracting everyone from what had just happened, but Junhee could still feel the ghost of Minah’s lips moving against hers, could still taste her in her tongue, and she was sure that she could feel the taller girl´s eyes glued on her as she put glasses and dishes in the dishwasher.

Her heart was beating loud in her chest even long after they were all tucked in, Gwiboon and Minseon (who had won a game of ‘rock, paper, scissors’) on the two couches and the other four girls on the living room hardwood floor. Minah was in the sleeping bag right next to her, and Junhee’s mind and heart were racing. The effect of alcohol had started to wear off when they were cleaning, but the feeling of Minah’s kiss was still there, and what was more, she felt like she wanted to do it again. And again, and again, and again.

The sound of Minah’s breathing right beside her didn’t help, and Junhee couldn’t help but wonder what sounds she could get the other girl to make if they took their kissing a little further—

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down so she could fall asleep as soon as possible, but suddenly, Minah started kicking off her sleeping bag to get up.

“Minah?” Junhee asked in a whisper, hoping she wouldn’t wake the other girls in case that had apparently fallen asleep already. “Where are you…?”

“I need to pee,” Minah said before she carefully walked her way out of the space full of sleeping bags and sleeping girls. Junhee saw the tall girl leave before she got an idea – an idea that made it painfully obvious that, okay, maybe she still wasn’t sober after all. But Junhee could never forget an idea once it stuck in her brain, and she thought that she would never forgive herself if she didn’t pursue this idea in particular.

She kicked off her sleeping bag and got up to follow after Minah.

 

She didn’t turn on the light of the hall because Minah hadn’t done so, either. She just waited in the dark hall right in front of the door, one half of herself yelling at her for being so reckless while the other cheered her on because, whether she liked it or not, that kiss from Minah had gotten her hotter all over than anything she had ever done with her ex-boyfriend and she deserved to have some fun and explore a little bit. Nobody would end up getting hurt, right? 

The door opened in front of her, and at first Minah seemed surprised to see her, but then she smiled –though Junhee saw that it was a little strained, even in the backlight. “Oh, Junhee. Did you also need to—?”

Junhee shook her head before she crossed the small distance between them to kiss Minah again, cutting her off. For the split second Minah didn’t return the kiss she thought that she had made a mistake, but then the taller girl’s hands were on her waist and she was pulling her closer.

If the first kiss had been hot, then the second was pure fire. Junhee had never thought she could kiss anyone as passionately as she kissed Minah, pushing her back into the bathroom and letting the taller girl press her against the door. Junhee wrapped her arms around Minah’s neck, and she gasped when she felt the other girl’s fingers digging onto her hips as she licked into her mouth.

A soft moan escaped the older girl’s lips when their tongues met, and her hands looked for purchase in Minah’s silky, braided hair. Her head was spinning, and she nearly whined when Minah pulled away from the kiss, though the sound died in her throat and turned into a soft sigh when the taller girl’s mouth started pressing hot, wet kisses to her neck and she felt her thigh, strong after years of soccer, pressing between her own legs.

“Jesus, Minah,” Junhee gasped, her fingers unintentionally undoing some of Minah’s braids so she could thread her fingers in her hair. She felt Minah humming against her neck and her hand moving up her body beneath the fabric of her pajama shirt. She didn’t have it in her to stop her, and she was glad she had taken off her bra when she felt Minah’s strong hand cupping and squeezing her breast.

“You have no idea how much I want this, Junhee… How much I want you.” The taller girl whispered huskily into Junhee’s ear, and for a moment Junhee felt like she could melt. The sound of Minah’s voice, the feeling of her lips ghosting over her neck and of her hand on her breast were turning her into clay. She simply nodded, though, a little embarrassed of voicing her own desires, but she ran her hands down Minah’s shoulders, past her breasts, and down to the hem of her hot pink top.

“I, too…” She said, almost shyly, looking down at the pink shirt and slowly pushing it up to reveal Minah’s toned abdomen. “Oh my god, me too…”

Minah chuckled, and Junhee felt her warm hand leaving her breast and even pulling away from under her shirt so she could grab Junhee by the chin and make her look up at her. Minah was almost a whole head taller than Junhee, after all, standing at five feet nine, while Junhee barely reached five feet three. 

Minah kissed her again, then, and Junhee was barely starting to get into it when Minah pulled away again, causing Junhee pout. She had only pulled away so she could speak, though, and when Junhee’s tongue darted out to lick at her own lips, it also brushed against Minah’s.

“I don’t think Gwiboon will be mad if we borrow her bed— as long as she doesn’t find out, I mean”, she said, speaking so close to Junhee’s lips that her breath turned into part of Junhee’s.

“We can go back to the sleeping bags later, just… Please…” Junhee said, _begged_ ; she felt like if she didn’t get to feel more of Minah she would go insane. She wanted to be kissed by her, be touched by her, and the fact that she also wanted to kiss her and touch her was something she didn’t give much thought to but that would have had her head cracking open with thought and anxiety under normal circumstances. 

Minah snickered against Junhee’s lips before pulling away for real. Then she grabbed Junhee’s hand.

“Let’s go.”

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ 

If anybody had told Junhee at the beginning of the year that she would be in bed (in Gwiboon’s bed, no less) with Choi Minah before the end of the first semester she wouldn’t have believed them for a second.

But she didn’t think there was anywhere else she would rather be when Minah laid her down on the bed, straddled her and kissed her senseless.

Junhee’s hands found the hem of Minah’s shirt again, and she tugged at it impatiently, burning with the need to run her hands over the taller girl’s skin. Minah broke the kiss for a moment so she could sit back and pull her shirt over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra either –something Junhee had been able to tell when they had kissed against the bathroom door—, and she would’ve spent long minutes simply drinking in the sight of her gorgeous toned body if she hadn’t been craving to taste it and feel it.

Minah helped her get rid of her own shirt, and before Junhee’s head could process it, the taller girl’s mouth was pressing hot, wet kisses on her breasts. Junhee got so lost in the feeling that she didn’t even hear herself moan, just as drunk with lust as she still was with alcohol. 

Junhee’s legs were tangled between Minah’s, which made it all even more pleasurable since they were both wearing short pajama bottoms. Minah pulled away from Junhee’s chest so she could press kisses to her neck instead, and when Junhee moved her leg between Minah’s, her thigh pressing against her crotch, the soccer player let out a low, breathy groan that fanned against a wet spot on Junhee’s neck and caused her to shiver.

The vice-president felt brave enough to touch, to run her hands down Minah’s bare back and to press her thigh against her more insistently, looking to make her moan again. Minah bit on the lobe of her ear, then, causing her to giggle as she slid her hands down the curve of Minah’s lower back to cup her ass through the fabric of her shorts.

“Jun, can I eat you out?” Minah breathed into her ear, and it sounded so desperate that Junhee moaned again. Minah sucked on a spot below her ear, and Junhee pulled her closer with the hands she had on her ass. Minah groaned again, rolling her hips against Junhee’s thigh. “Please?”

Junhee couldn’t say no to her; she nodded and muttered a soft, breathy _’yeah’_ , and before she knew it Minah was pressing kisses down her chest again, but reaching lower with every wet press of her mouth. Junhee’s fingers tangled in Minah’s hair, and once the taller girl reached her shorts, she looked up at the ceiling of Gwiboon’s bedroom.

She didn’t see the way Minah’s fingers fumbled with her pajama shorts to pull them down, but her knuckles went white between strands of ebony hair and a broken gasp left her lips when she suddenly felt Minah’s nose pressing against her core through the cotton fabric of her panties. She looked down again, and the sole sight of Minah’s face between her thighs was enough to make a shiver run down her spine.

“You’re soaking wet, Jun,” Minah marveled, and Junhee felt like a spell had been cast upon her because she couldn’t look away. “God, I want you so much.” Minah kissed and sucked onto the tender flesh of Junhee’s inner thigh, hard enough to leave a mark on her pale skin, before looking up at her. Their eyes met as she pulled her panties down. 

Junhee didn’t even have the time to feel embarrassed about being completely naked because Minah’s hot mouth was attached to her glistening folds in a matter of seconds. Junhee moaned again, loud enough to make her more aware of the situation and of how their friends were sleeping downstairs, so she let go of Minah’s hair with one hand and brought the other one to her mouth so she could bite onto her knuckle to keep herself from making more loud noises.

She couldn’t begin to describe what Minah was doing to her – she could feel her tongue licking and rubbing in all the right places, her lips kissing and sucking, and her eyes couldn’t look away. She had never gotten eaten out before; back then, her ex-boyfriend Jongdae had said he didn’t want to do it, but that he could use his fingers instead. Junhee had said okay, even though she had felt it was a little unfair that she had given him a blowjob but that he wasn’t willing to return the favor. 

Minah ate her out with hunger and need, like Junhee was water and Minah hadn’t had anything to drink in years. Minah sucked on her clit, and Junhee’s hips bucked off the bed to meet the taller girl’s mouth, the hand on her hair tugging and pulling her closer instinctively. Minah groaned against her core, and not even biting on her own knuckle could stop the whine that escaped her lips. “Minah, oh my god…”

She was close, and Minah could probably tell. Junhee felt two of the other girl’s fingers rubbing against her entrance, smearing and coating themselves in her wetness before entering her far too easily. Junhee bit down hard on her own hand to stop herself from moaning, but her back arched off the bed and her hips rolled as Minah’s long fingers reached deep inside of her, crooking just so and pressing against her pulsing walls. She didn’t fuck her fingers in and out of her like Jongdae had done – instead, she moved them slowly, pulling out and pushing in deeply in a slow, almost gentle way.

“Come, Junhee, come for me,” Minah panted against her, only pulling back long enough to get the words out, and it only took a few more flicks of her tongue against her clit and the press of her long, long fingers against a sweet spot inside of her to make Junhee come undone. Her orgasm hit her hard, her walls clamping around Minah’s fingers and her back arching again, the tall girl forcing her hips down with her free hand. She gasped out Minah’s name, riding every wave of pleasure against the pressure of Minah’s hand pressing her down, but only heightened by it and by the fact that the other girl didn’t pull away from her until the waves turned into ripples, and the ripples dissipated, leaving Junhee breathless.

Junhee whimpered when Minah’s fingers pulled out from inside of her, but she hummed and opened her eyes when she felt the other girl rubbing her nose with her own nose. Junhee chuckled, and she didn’t know why she wasn’t disgusted in the slightest when she cupped Minah’s jaw with the hand she had used to prevent herself from moaning out loud and pulled her into a kiss. She could taste herself on Minah’s lips and on her tongue, but the combination of her own taste with Minah’s was delicious.

“Was it okay?” Minah asked, using her thumb to stroke Junhee’s lower lip gently after pulling away from the kiss.

“Okay?” Junhee asked, amused. Her head was still swimming, and as she ran a hand down Minah’s bare back she knew that she, too, wanted to make Minah come. Hard. Even though she had no idea how. “It was amazing— I want to… I want to do you, too. Minah.” She forced the taller girl to look down at her with the hand with which she was cupping her face. “Can I...?”

Minah’s eyelids fluttered close, and Junhee realized that Minah had straddled one of her thighs again. “I-I mean; you don’t have to…”

“I know.” Junhee said, her breath finally beginning to calm down. Her orgasm had sobered her up, but her whole body was still tingling with excitement, curiosity, and want. She knew Minah wouldn’t tell her she didn’t want her because she had already proved that she liked her. Junhee didn’t know up to what point, but she did know that she wouldn’t be able to go to sleep without knowing what making a girl come feels like. “But I want to.”

Junhee leaned up to press a wet kiss to Minah’s jaw, propping her body with an elbow while the hand cupping the tall girl’s face moved down to her chest to squeeze at her breasts. Junhee heard Minah gasp before she felt her nod. “Okay.”

They flipped over, and Junhee felt a rush of excitement running over her as she straddled the other girl. Her eyes ran over Minah’s torso, up to her breasts, and finally to her face, and something inside of her guts twisted when she saw how wrecked she looked. Her black hair was completely messed up, no trace of the braids Baekyeon had made with so much effort, and her black eyes were blown, wide despite how heavy-lidded they were, her thick lips parted, wet, and swollen. Junhee couldn’t stop herself from touching, her hands travelling all across the other girl’s skin as she leaned down to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

Eventually her hands found the hem of Minah’s shorts, and her heart gave a flip inside of her chest. She was more than a little bit scared, but the need to taste at least for once was overbearing. Minah shivered beneath Junhee’s fingers as she tugged her shorts down, and the vice-president broke the kiss to look down as she revealed tan thighs and boy shorts. Junhee looked back at Minah for a moment after getting rid of her shorts, and she gave her a soft peck on the lips before she crawled down on the bed until she was sitting between Minah’s long legs.

She took a deep breath before she pressed two of her fingers to Minah’s crotch, and the tall girl whimpered when she starting rubbing in small circles against the spot where she guessed her clit was. When she dipped her fingers lower, she was surprised to find the fabric of Minah’s panties to be wet, and she sucked in a breath. The fact that Minah had gotten so turned on by eating her out was extremely sexy, and she could feel herself getting wet again.

Soon enough, the desire to taste Minah on her tongue was irresistible, and she started pulling her underwear down. She threw the undergarment away carelessly, her eyes glued to Minah’s core and her heart beating like a drum in her chest. She had never seen a girl like that, and it was hotter than anything her mind had ever provided her with whenever she had touched herself. She laid down on her stomach even though her feet were left hanging off the bed, and she looked up at Minah as she pressed her fingers against her again, this time without the barrier of her panties, to see her reaction.

The soccer player’s chest heaved as she took a deep breath, and Junhee felt a surge of liquid fire run through her veins when their eyes met.

She didn’t look away as she tentatively ran her tongue over her folds, from her entrance to her clit, and the low moan that escaped Minah’s lips encouraged her to do it again before focusing on the sensitive bud.

Junhee would have never imagined eating a girl out could be so hot. Minah wasn’t loud as she licked her with inexpert but eager-to-please strokes of her tongue, but she didn’t care to stop the small sounds that left her mouth. Her soft groans and gasps were music to Junhee’s ears, and she couldn’t help but slip a hand beneath her and between her legs so she could touch herself.

She didn’t dare enter Minah with her tongue, but with a little difficulty she managed to push a tentative finger inside of her with the same arm she was using to prop herself up. She moaned in unison with Minah when she felt Minah’s wetness swallow her finger with as much ease as her own body had taken Minah in, and she rubbed at herself with insistence as she pushed her finger in and out of Minah, curious, wanting nothing more but to make her come just as hard as she had made her come minutes ago.

Minah’s fingers tangled in her hair and pulled her closer, and Junhee would have thought it to be rude of her if she hadn’t found it extremely hot. She licked at her more vigorously, and when she pushed a second finger inside of her, aiming in the right direction, she heard Minah moan her name, softly, as she tightened around her fingers. Junhee fucked her though her orgasm with her fingers as she rubbed at her own clit, and she too moaned against Minah’s core as she came a second time, mere seconds after Minah’s own orgasm.

She was panting and her arms felt weak after all the effort she had put into simultaneously keeping herself up while fucking Minah and getting herself off. She sat up between Minah’s legs and she used her wrist to clean the wetness that had smeared across her chin. She looked down at Minah, and she couldn’t help but chuckle when she saw her smiling contently. “How was it?”

Minah just hummed before wrapping her arms around Junhee and pulling her down into a kiss. Junhee giggled but kissed right back, the taste of the two of them mingling when their tongues met. But it was a short kiss. The shorter girl pulled away and rolled onto Minah’s side. She was finally more sober than she was drunk, and lust wasn’t numbing her senses anymore, so only sleepiness remained.

Minah started laughing, then, and Junhee turned her head to look at her, raising an eyebrow in question. “What is it?”

“Nothing… I just… I can’t believe we did it on Gwiboon’s bed.” Minah said, and Junhee laughed too. It was pretty unbelievable, Junhee supposed. She had just had sex with a girl –with a _friend_ – on another friend’s bed. 

“We should go back to the living room before anyone wakes up and sees we are missing…” Junhee said, after their laughter died down. Minah nodded, and the two got up and started looking for their clothes. Junhee tried looking anywhere except for Minah as she slipped her panties and her pajama shirt back on, but she couldn’t help her eyes from stealing glances of the other girl’s figure, tall and slim and toned, as she put her own clothes back on. 

Once they were fully dressed, they checked the bed and made sure there were no signs that it had been used. Only then did they go back to the first floor, where the other four girls were sleeping in the living room. 

Minah kissed her on the cheek before whispering _good night_ softly to her. Junhee was still high on adrenaline, she supposed, because she snuggled close to Minah before falling asleep.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Realization hit Junhee the following morning like a truck.

She felt sick to her stomach when she woke up, and she had to rush to the bathroom to puke. Everyone else was still asleep, the sun was barely starting to come out, and if Junhee had bothered to calculate she would have found that she had only slept a little bit over three hours.

She had to grab her own hair to keep it out of the way, while with her free hand she gripped the edge of the toilet. After flushing, she went to the sink to rinse her mouth, and that’s when she looked at herself.

There was a bruise on her neck, large and purple. Her eyes widened at the sight of the evidence of what had happened the night before. She pulled her shirt down to find more bruises scattered across her chest, and when she lifted her shirt she found another one on her hipbone. Her face turned red and a small shiver ran down her spine when she remembered the bite Minah gave to her thigh the night before, most likely leaving a hickey behind as well.

She groaned, embarrassed, and she felt like her stomach was turning and she was about to puke all over again. But she wasn’t disgusted. Not in the slightest. She had had fun, and none of that had been regrettable. 

But after going over a few memories of the previous night she felt that, perhaps, she had made a huge mistake, after all. 

Minah had been super into it, obviously, and while she had been pretty eager herself, she didn’t think there was much more to it. Her curiosity had been satisfied, and while she had had the time of her life, it wasn’t like she was suddenly considering dating a girl – dating Minah. She wanted to go back to school on Monday and act as if nothing had ever happened, and she hoped that was Minah’s plan as well. Minseon had told her the tall girl thought she was cute, and the previous night the black-haired girl had admitted she had wanted to be with her like that for some time, but that didn’t necessarily mean that she was interested in Junhee that way…

Right?

Junhee didn’t know if she was gay, and honestly, the morning after his first time sleeping with a girl and with a gigantic hangover wasn’t the moment to ask herself those big questions.

When she exited the bathroom, she went to the living room to gather her stuff as quietly as possible, so she wouldn’t wake anyone up. She couldn’t let anyone else see the bruises on her neck, and she thought that the best way to prevent them from seeing them was going home. Her eyes lingered on Minah for a few seconds, but she shook her head as soon as she caught herself staring.

As soon as she was out of Gwiboon’s house, she texted her to let her know that she had gone home early in the morning because she was sick, but that she had had a blast.

She was thankful that Gwiboon lived only a few blocks away from her own house, because she couldn’t wait to bury her face in her pillows to make the world, her stomach, her head, and her heart stop spinning.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

“I can’t believe you went home so early yesterday, Jun,” Junghee told her on Monday morning. There were a few minutes left before the first period started, and she was sitting on her desk with her feet propped on her chair, giving her back to the board in front of the class as she talked to her friend.

Junhee felt better, at least physically, but a text she received from Minah the previous afternoon had left her feeling strange.

 

From: Choi Minah (sent on Sunday, 1:28 PM)  
_are you okay? :( Gwiboon said you went home early cuz you were feeling bad… I hope that you’re feeling better now!! let me know if you’re feeling better tomorrow, maybe we could go have some ice cream together if you like :P ___

__

__Junhee hadn’t answered; she had been too scared, even if she knew it would hurt Minah, and hurting her wasn’t her intention._ _

__Leading her on wasn’t her intention either._ _

__“I, uh, I was feeling super bad… I puked, and all, and I didn’t want to be a bother,” she said, excusing herself. There were still bruises on her neck, but she had covered them using heaps of makeup._ _

__“Dumb, dumb Junhee. You wouldn’t have been a bother if you had stayed!” Gwiboon chastised her by hitting her on the shoulder with her fluffy pen, albeit softly. “Are you feeling better now, though? You don’t look very well.”_ _

__Junhee knew, so she just sighed and shrugged. “Kinda.”_ _

__Junghee rubbed her other shoulder in a friendly manner. “It’s just a bad hangover. I’m sure you’ll be fine by lunch.”_ _

__The vice-president just nodded, though she knew it was more than just a bad hangover. When their homeroom teacher walked into the class and Junghee hopped of her desk to sit on her chair next to her, she couldn’t help but remember how the two of them had intervened when she and Minah had first kissed during the game they had played at the sleepover. Gwiboon had told Minah not to do something she might regret, and Junghee had pulled them apart before they got too into it._ _

__Junhee was sick with worry. They didn’t seem to know anything had happened between Minah and her, but what would they do if they knew? Would Minah tell them anything, eventually? They had been friends for years, after all…_ _

__When lunchtime rolled around, Junhee had managed to get her nerves a little bit under control, but all it took was seeing Minah sitting on their usual table, laughing at something Baekyeon had said, to spark the uneasiness inside her once again. She knew what it felt like to get butterflies in her stomach, and while the feeling was pretty similar, it was more painful and heavy, as if the wings of the butterflies were daggers that were cutting her up from the inside, making her feel like she was choking. The tall girl smiled brightly, unknowingly, as Junhee sat down across from her on the table, and the first thing Junhee noticed was that there weren’t any hickeys on the other girl’s neck._ _

__“Hi, Jun. How are you feeling?” The soccer player asked, her voice sweet, and Junhee had to do her best to stop herself from blushing when she was assaulted by the memory of how her name had sounded in Minah’s voice when she had made her come._ _

__“I’m doing better, thank you. How are you?” She looked up at Minah, trying to act as normal as possible._ _

__Junhee thought to herself that it would be good if she got together with Minah later that afternoon. Not to watch a movie or get ice cream together like the tall girl had suggested via text, but to talk._ _

__She felt strange – tingly all over, and like she would vomit if the razor-winged butterflies kept on tearing her to pieces from the inside. The first semester final exams started the following week, and after that it was summer vacation, which she would use to participate in an intense study program that would help her prepare for the college admission test they would all have to take by the end of the academic year. The second semester would go by in a flash between student council activities, club activities, and studying, and she simply had no time to think about complicated stuff._ _

__Stuff like Minjung, the mutant butterflies in her stomach, and the fact that she had made herself come to the memories of her eating her out when she took a hot bath the night before._ _

__She handled herself well enough during lunch, and nobody seemed to suspect anything had happened between the two of them, but after they all had exited the dining hall and started heading towards the restroom before they had to go to their respective classrooms, Junhee grabbed Minah by the wrist._ _

__“Minah? Can I talk to you for a second? I-It’s about a Biology assignment,” Junhee said, using the first excuse that appeared in her brain when she noticed she had gotten her other friends’ attention. Minah was good at biology –probably better than her—, so it was a good excuse. Minah looked at her and nodded without blinking, but Gwiboon gave them a suspicious look before she the other three girls went into the restroom together._ _

__Junhee let go of Minah’s wrist, and she looked up at her after taking a deep breath. “Minah? Uhm… I-I think we have to talk about what happened the other night…”_ _

__Minah nodded again. “Oh, y-yeah, I agree. Did you get my text yesterday? I know you have cram school at night, and so do I, but maybe after school we could go somewhere? To talk, I mean. I-If you want,” Minah asked, and she seemed shy._ _

__Junhee nodded. “I read it— I’m sorry, I forgot to reply, but… How about the bleachers? I really do have a Biology assignment I need to work on, and I can’t take too long…”_ _

__Minah smiled a little bit. “Of course, it’s okay. The bleachers, then. After class?” The tall girl asked, and Junhee nodded. “Okay, cool. Now, let’s go to the bathroom before the next period starts.”_ _

__

____

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Junhee got there first, and she took a seat on the row at the very top –as far away as possible from the girls of the volleyball team that were training on the courtyard.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted to tell Minah exactly, but she did know that she had to let her know that while she had had fun on Saturday night, she hoped that things didn’t change between them. That she had only wanted to explore, and that it had been the alcohol’s fault that she had acted so recklessly.

She wasn’t like that, normally, and she was sure Minah probably knew that already, even if they weren’t as close to each other as they were with the other girls of their group of friends.

Minah grinned at her from the bottom of the bleachers when she spotted her, and she climbed them with impressive ease all the way to the top row, her skirt riding up a little bit.

Junhee almost looked away, but she thought that would come off as rude, so she started twisting the fabric of her own skirt in her hands. She had to try her best not to let her eyes linger on Minah’s exposed tan legs or on her beautiful black hair. On the way the top buttons of her blouse were undone and her tie was slightly loosened, exposing her collarbones.

She simply couldn’t, or things would only be more difficult.

“Hey!” Minah said as she plopped on the seat next to Junhee. “I’m sorry I took a little longer— I had a few questions for the math teacher. But I’m here now. Are you honestly feeling better?”

Junhee smiled lopsidedly. “It’s okay, I didn’t get here too long ago, anyway. And… No, not really. I don’t know…”

“Oh,” Minah said, worriedly. “Did you go to the nurse’s office? Perhaps you caught a cold…”

Junhee shook her head and licked her lips. “I don’t know; I don’t think that’s it…”

The tall girl hummed thoughtfully, and Junhee was very aware of how close to her she was sitting. Their knees bumped together, and Junhee pulled back after a surge of electricity ran through her body, aggravating her anxiety.

“What do you want to talk about, Jun…?” Minah asked in a soft voice, tilting her head. Junhee looked at her for only a moment before looking away, at the outline of buildings in the distance. “I mean, about Saturday, obviously…” Minah chuckled before she continued. “I was so surprised, to be honest… Like, wow! I had no idea you played for the other team too! And here I was all the time, scared to talk to you all these years, convinced that you were as straight as they come, when all of a sudden you come up to me and kiss me…!”

An alarm rang in Junhee’s head at that, and she looked at Minah with wide eyes.

“I’m not a lesbian!” she said, and she cringed inwardly at how harsh she sounded; almost defensively. She lowered her voice, then. Looking at the field to see if the girls from the volleyball team had heard. “And don’t talk so loudly. Please.”

Minah blinked at her, a bit lost at the severe tone in the vice-president’s voice. “Okay…? Sorry?” She apologized, unsurely, before she went on, effectively lowing her own voice as well. “And anyway, I never said you were a lesbian, specifically. But, I mean… Having sex with girls when you’re a girl is kind of lesbian- _ish_ , at least, I suppose. Whatever it is, it’s definitely not heterosexual. Are you bi, then…? Pan, maybe…?”

Junhee shook her head, Minah’s words confusing her even further. She had never wanted to look into the topic of her sexuality—she had always been too scared to face that question because she knew the answer would be a very complicated one, and she didn’t have time for complications. Not when she had so much work to do for school, for cram school, for the clubs she was part of, and for the student council – not to mention the college admission tests that would decide her entire future in a matter of _months_. She barely had time to be a daughter; she didn’t have the time to have an identity crisis when she was less than half a year from graduating high school and taking the tests that would define her future. 

“No, no, I’m— I’m normal!” Her words spilled from her mouth before she could stop them, and she almost panicked when she saw how Minah’s face fell. “Shit, I mean, I’m not like that!”

Minah’s wide eyes narrowed and she pulled back, sitting up straight on her seat. “What did you say?”

Junhee sighed in exasperation, though it was only directed at herself, and she waved both of her hands in front of her in negation. “I didn’t mean to say that—! I’m sorry, I just… Shit, I just meant that I’m not gay! I’m not a lesbian, I’m not bisexual, I’m not… I’m not like that. That’s what I mean… The other night… I was just curious; I guess? I was stupid, and I had had a lot to drink, I wasn’t thinking, and I don’t really know what got into me…! I wanted to tell you that... That it was a mistake.”

Junhee looked down at the wooden seat of the bleachers as she spoke, her words coming out of her mouth quickly, unstoppable after she started. She only dared to look up at Minah when more than a few seconds had gone by and the other girl still remained quiet.

The black haired girl was frowning, her jaw locked tightly as she looked away from her. She seemed to be deep in thought, but with every passing second Junhee got more anxious. Her heart was beating like crazy inside of her chest, and the pounding sound of her heartbeat was loud and annoying behind her ears. She took a deep breath and tried speaking again.

“It was stupid of me, and I’m sorry— I hope you don’t think I was taking advantage of you, o-or anything. I actually didn’t even know for sure that you were a… T-That you were like that until a few days ago…”

“ _Lesbian_ ,” Minah interrupted. “The word is _lesbian_ , and it’s not a curse word, or anything. It’s what I am, and you’re not insulting me by calling me that,” she continued, her voice cold. She finally looked at Junhee, and her eyes were as icy as her voice had been.

“Sorry…” Junhee muttered, looking down, unable to hold Minah’s gaze for too long.

“Kim Junhee,” the tall girl started, but Junhee didn’t look up at her. She actually closed her eyes as she clutched at the sleeves of her blouse. “When I thought that I was finally going to confess to you today, I didn’t think it was going to go like this.”

The vice-president’s eyes opened in a flash. “You what—?”

“—Oh, come on, don’t act like you didn’t know. Everyone knows that I’ve liked you since first day of first year. And after Saturday, I thought this could be something because supposedly straight girls don’t just go and sleep with their gay friends! Much less when said gay friend has a crush the size of the sun on them. That’s not something straight girls do, not even if they’re drunk…!” Minah ran a hand through her black hair. “I can’t believe I was so stupid…”

Junhee shook her head, frowning in confusion, even though her heart fluttered in her chest. “But I didn’t know, Minah, I swear…!” She tried to reach for Minah’s arm, but the tall girl pulled away before her fingers could wrap around her and stood up.

“Don’t—“ She said through gritted teeth when she stopped her. “Don’t touch me, okay?” She sighed impatiently, her shoulders heaving as she closed her eyes. “I’m not stupid. I may not be as smart as you, but I’m not dumb, either. You obviously knew. There was no way you didn’t know that the school’s dyke was in love with you. I mean, you picked her and not another random girl to experiment when you got ‘curious’, after all. Because what were the chances of her saying ‘no’ to you? Probably not much.”

Junhee’s frown turned into an angrier one. She knew she had fucked up, but she wasn’t lying when she said that she didn’t know about Minah’s feelings for her. She had always gotten a vibe from Minah, yes, but she had honestly thought at first that it was because Minah didn’t like her. It wasn’t until she had talked to Minseon that she had started wondering something else, but it’s not like she _knew_ anything, anyway. “I said it’s not like that! I had no idea that you liked me, Minah. In fact, I thought you didn’t like me at all! It’s unfair that you say all of this to me.”

“Unfair?” Minah asked in disbelief, her voice loud. “You can’t come up to me and tell me about what’s unfair after using me when you got a little curious! You can’t expect me not get mad, at least!” She lowered her voice then, to a harsh whisper, and she looked at Junhee in the eyes even though the shorter girl could tell she would prefer looking the other way. “You know what? I had never done it before. I know I should have been smarter and I know I should have stopped things from going further before it was too late, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And now it’s going to suck knowing that the first time I was with any girl like that was with one who thought of me as nothing more than a little game.”

“Choi Minah, don’t play the victim,” Junhee snapped, standing up as well. She was nowhere near as tall as Minah, but she couldn’t bear to have the other girl towering over her and yelling at her like everything had been her fault –even if she was probably more at fault. She knew Minah couldn’t stand being wrong, but then again, neither could she. “It’s not like you didn’t know what you were getting into! What did you expect! For me to want to be your girlfriend, all of a sudden? I told you! I’m _not_ like that!”

Minah nodded, looking down at her. “I know,” she said, her voice considerably lower than Junhee’s had been when she had talked back. “You made it very clear that you are normal, and I am not. And I guess Minseon isn’t normal, either. She’s also a lesbian, remember?” Junhee glared up at Minah, but the older girl went on. “Tell me. If Minseon wasn’t dating Lu Hua, would you have gotten her to have sex with you?”

“What kind of question is that?!” Junhee squeaked, her frown deepening.

“Answer me! Would you have gone after her if you had gotten curious, like you said?” Minah pressed on.

“Of course not! She’s my friend!” She answered. Minah smiled, but it was a bitter, lop-sided smile.

“There it is,” Minah said, simply, before turning around to leave, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder.

Junhee followed after her, and this time when she reached for her she didn’t let the taller girl shrug her off. “What is! Yah, don’t just leave like that, Minah—!” 

Minah turned on her heels, facing her, and Junhee saw that her wide eyes were beginning to get red and watery. Her lower lip was quivering too, and she seemed to be putting all her strength into keeping a relatively straight face. Junhee felt her heart sinking in her chest. “It obviously wasn’t just about curiosity and alcohol, that’s all. That you obviously figured that I wouldn’t say no to you. But it’s… It’s cool. Whatever. You got to know what it feels like to be with a girl, and I got to be with the person I like at least once. Win-win situation, isn’t it? Now, please, _please_ don’t ever touch me again, alright? I won’t get in the way of your _’normal’_ life, if that’s worrying you.”

Junhee’s grip loosened around Minah’s wrist with every word that came out of the taller girl’s mouth, so it was easy for her to pull away again. She turned around to start going down the rows of seats of the bleachers. Junhee looked away from her so she didn’t have to see her walking away.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

The following day was torture.

She had been so restless she hadn’t been able to sleep for more than three hours that night, despite being exhausted after attending cram school until nearly one AM.

Gwiboon and Junghee didn’t spare her a look when she walked into the classroom, and they didn’t say a single word to her as she sat down on the seat between the two girls. She didn’t even try greeting them or asking them what was wrong – she knew what was wrong.

Minah had obviously told them about what had happened, and they were obviously mad at her. It made sense, Junhee reasoned, since the other girls had been friends with each other for years and years, and she couldn’t blame them for being mad at her. However, none of her reasoning stopped her heart from drumming like crazy during every period that morning. Her hands were shaky and she couldn’t concentrate in anything the teachers said.

Her heart was working double-time, pumping anxiety, embarrassment, and frustration across her entire body, and her brain bombarded her with questions: had Minah told them everything that had happened? Had she also told them about the argument they had had the day before? Did Gwiboon knew they had used her bed during the sleepover, or had Minah left that bit out? Did Minseon and Baekyeon also know? With whom would she have lunch with if all her friends hated her? Who would listen to her if all her friends hated her? 

Gwiboon and Junghee didn’t wait for Junhee before lunch and they simply left the classroom as quickly as possible.

Junhee made her way to the dining hall, slowly, and it didn’t surprise her when she didn’t see her classmates there. She felt a little more hopeful at the sight of Baekyeon and Minseon, though – the two girls were sitting in the table the six of them usually occupied, and they were chatting animatedly. Minah wasn’t there, either.

“Hey, Jun!” Baekyeon greeted her brightly when she sat down next to her with her tray of food. If she didn’t count the teachers and the other girls from her class, Baekyeon was the first person that had said hi to her that day, and Junhee was thankful that Minah had decided not to tell them. Baekyeon eyed the food in Junhee’s tray and didn’t bother asking for permission before she stole a piece of chicken from her food using her chopsticks. “Where are Gwiboon and Junghee?”

Junhee shrugged at her friend’s question. “I don’t know. And Minah?”

“Oh, Minah said something about finishing her history assignment. She couldn’t do it yesterday, and it’s for the period after lunch, but honestly she didn’t seem very well today…” Minseon said while she munched on a sliced cucumber. She was frowning thoughtfully, though, and she soon spoke again. “Maybe Gwiboon and Junghee went to keep her company, or something? Didn’t they tell you anything?”

Junhee shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Weird,” Baekyeon said, and Minseon agreed with a nod.

Junhee just kept on eating her lunch, hoping time would go as slow as possible so she wouldn’t have to sit another long hours sitting between two of her friends that wouldn’t even talk to her.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

The decoupage club’s activities always ended a little bit earlier than the soccer team, so Junhee was used to waiting for Minseon in the parking lot of their school so they could then walk to her house together. Junghee and Gwiboon hadn’t talked to her at all for the following couple of days as well, but Gwiboon had given her a polite half-smile on Wednesday morning, at least, and she had picked up Junhee’s pen after she had accidentally dropped it during the Student Council meeting.

The group chat of their group of friends had never been dryer; the only thing that gave life to it where the memes Baekyeon sent every so often –courtesy of her boyfriend Chanyeol— and the comments of the other girls, but nobody talked anymore, and it was strange.

Junhee hoped it had more to do with the fact that everybody had been busy studying for finals and less to do with the fact that Minjung and her had had sex, which had apparently caused a fissure in their group.

She had always waited for Minseon for about twenty minutes after practice, and she usually used that time to catch up on some reading or some homework. She was sitting on the bench where she usually sat to wait for Minseon when suddenly a shadow blocked the light Junhee was using to read, causing her to look up. She saw Minseon, and she saw that she had an undecipherable expression on her face. Most of all, though, she looked annoyed.

“Junhee,” the short haired girl said as she plopped down on the bench beside Junhee, her voice cold. “I need to talk to you.” 

Junhee’s heart sank immediately – all the solace she had gotten from decoupage club and studying crumbled to pieces.

“Y-Yeah,” Junhee said, feeling a bit dumb. “Do you want to do it here, or at my place, though? It’s getting darker—“

“—Kim Junhee, did you and Minah do something at the sleepover the other weekend?” Minseon asked, severe. She had never been one to beat around the bush, after all, and while Junhee had often been thankful for that, this time she felt cornered.

She couldn’t lie to Minseon, and not just because she obviously _knew_ something had happened between the tall girl and her, but because Minseon was her best friend – she couldn’t bring herself to lie to her.

She looked at the slightly older girl, her heart beating so fast and loud she was sure the other girl could hear it. Minseon held her gaze for as long as it took Junhee to nod.

“Shit,” Minseon said, slumping back against the backrest of the bench before she shook her head in disbelief, taking her hands to her face. “Shit, Junhee—!”

Junhee frowned at her friend, though it was more directed at herself. “If you’re going to lecture me, please don’t… It was a stupid mistake, I know, alright?”

“Oh, but it was way more than that!” Minseon went on. “You hurt her really, really bad, you know? I told you she liked you! You can’t go and do something like that!”

“What?! You never told me she liked me! You literally only said she thought I was cute, or something vague like that!” Junhee defended herself. She really didn’t want to hear what her friend had to say, though, so she started shoving her things back in her backpack. “You don’t have to come here and yell at me, you know?”

“I obviously have to!” Minseon insisted, grabbing Junhee’s forearm to stop her from putting her things away and to make her look at her. “I found out about this because Minah started crying in the locker room after practice today— I got extremely worried because I’ve noticed she’s been really weird since the sleepover, and I suspected there was something strange going on. It was painfully obvious she’s been avoiding you all week. And shit, I’ve been your friend for longer, but Minah’s also my friend, you know?”

“I know, Minseon, but won’t you listen to me—?” Junhee tried, but Minseon didn’t let her finish.

“No, you listen to me! I knew you were in a kinda gray area regarding your sexuality, but that doesn’t give you permission to just go and sleep with the one girl that has always been head over heels for you because that’s just… That’s not the kind of shit you would do, Junhee! That shit is wrong! And I never pegged you as the homophobic kind, either, like— fuck, one would think that having a lesbian best friend would make you less susceptible to saying offensive, homophobic shit!”

“She told you about that too?!” Junhee asked, feeling wronged and violated, but also extremely embarrassed of herself. “I didn’t mean it! I really, really didn’t mean it like that; Minseon, you know I didn’t mean to say any of those things, but I— I just felt so cornered…!”

“I know you didn’t mean it, Jun! That’s why I can’t understand why you said something like that!” Minseon said, finally letting go of the vice-president’s arm and standing up from the bench. “I’m disappointed, I’m hurt, and I’m angry. I don’t want to take sides in this fight, but, shit— this is way too much.”

Junhee’s hands turned into fists, but she accepted her friend’s words even though she really felt like breaking down at them. She knew she was at fault, and she didn’t really have it in her to argue anymore.

“I’m going to walk home,” the soccer player announced, and she didn’t give Junhee a chance to say anything before turning around and leaving.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Junhee was glad she didn’t have cram school that night because she felt drained and overwhelmed at the same time

She tried to distract herself with homework, something that had always helped her cope when things got too heavy on her shoulders, but she found that she couldn’t do it.

She tried to focus on the numbers and letters of her algebra assignment, but she couldn’t stop thinking of everything Minah had said to her on Monday; of what Minseon said to her a few hours ago; of how two of her best friends kept on acting as if she didn’t exist; of how the only person that wasn’t mad at her was Baekyeon, and only because she didn’t know what had happened yet; of how stupid she had been when she thought she could get away with experimenting with Minah during a sleepover, thinking it wouldn’t have any consequences.

She had been drunk, and Minah had been drunk too, but that was no excuse.

She dropped her Star Wars mechanical pencil next to her assignment, and she crossed her arms over the desk so she could lay her head on them, hiding her face from the world. She cried, silently, while her thoughts kept on running.

She had no idea how to fix things – she didn’t want to lose all of her friends, she didn’t want to keep on hurting people, and she had no idea why, but she didn’t want Minah to hate her.

But not only that…

There was also the question that had been tormenting her for a long, long time. The one she had refused to acknowledge and that had her looking the other way every single time, looking for new activities to fill her scarce free time with so she wouldn’t have to think. What had happened at the sleepover had been a slip she shouldn’t have allowed, but it was too late to cry over spilled milk, and apparently, refuging herself in her studies was out of the question.

Minseon was one of her best friends and she knew she could see right through her after so many years of friendship. But still, Junhee couldn’t help but wonder, as she wiped her tears away, if Minseon really had to be so mean. She understood that she was angry, but was it really too farfetched of Junhee to ask for at least a little bit of sympathy from one of her best friends when she was suddenly forced to face the question she had been ignoring for so long?

She felt lost and confused, and since Minah was close with her friends, it wasn’t like she could just walk up to them to talk about what happened between the two of them at the sleepover. Not to mention her family – she couldn’t bring herself to give her parents any extra worries, and it’s not like she felt all that comfortable speaking about something like that with them.

She decided to go to sleep – probably sleeping a few more hours than usual would help her feel better.

She was halfway through putting her Stormtrooper patterned shorts on when her phone vibrated on her night table. She looked at it, curious, and her stomach twisted uncomfortably when she saw it was a text from Lu Hua.

She felt a little relieved when she read it, though that feeling was overpowered by puzzlement.

 

From: Lu Hua (sent on Thursday, 9:14 PM)  
_Hi Jun!! would you like to grab a cup of coffee tomorrow afternoon? since i have a job now i don’t mind paying ;) and it would be cool to catch up!_

__

__For a moment Junhee wondered if Minseon had gotten her girlfriend to trick her so she could also yell at her, but she soon discarded that thought. Neither Minseon was the kind to manipulate people like that, nor Lu Hua the kind to let herself be manipulated by anyone, not even her girlfriend, no matter how smitten she was._ _

__And it was true that she hadn’t seen Lu Hua in a long, long time, so catching up would be nice. Perhaps her text and invitation had been nothing but a strange coincidence._ _

__She texted back._ _

__

__To: Lu Hua (sent on Thursday, 9:15 PM)  
_Hi unnie! Sure, I’d love that!_ _ _

__

__The older girl’s response came in a matter of seconds._ _

__

__From: Lu Hua (sent on Thursday, 9:15 PM)  
_yay!! i’ll pick you up at the back of the school. but, please… make sure miseonnie doesn’t sees u (or she’ll get jealous I didn’t pick her up lol)_ _ _

__

____

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Since Junhee didn’t usually see Minseon on Friday afternoons, it wasn’t hard to avoid her.

As soon as the last choir club meeting of that semester was over, Junhee was able to leave the school, and true to her word, Lu Hua was waiting for her in her car.

“It’s old, and used, and it can’t go too fast, but it’s better than nothing, right?” The Chinese girl told her as she drove down the street. “And it helps me get to class in time even if I oversleep.”

She took Junhee to a very nice coffee shop a bit too far away from her house under the promise that she would drive her home afterwards. Junhee tried to tell her that she shouldn’t bother, but Lu Hua waved her off.

“It’s fine, Jun. I have to pick Minnie up later, anyway, and she lives closer to you than she does to me. Sadly,” Lu Hua pouted.

The older girl’s company and her talkative ways warmed Junhee up, and before she knew she was smiling genuinely.

The environment had been less than ideal for way too long at school, and she had been way too anxious and stressed with school to even enjoy the time she spent by herself. Lu Hua’s hair was even longer than it had been during high school, reaching the small of her back, and she had dyed the dark brown tips a very nice blond. They had never been as close to each other as Minseon and her (for obvious reasons), but they had still been very close friends – Lu Hua had sat with them during lunch for as long as they were in school together, and Junhee had forgotten how refreshing she was.

They joked around as they ordered, and updated each other on the latest things. Junhee listened at Lu Hua’s experiences as a college freshman and laughed at the stories she shared about relaxed professors, weird classmates, and new friends.

When they sat down across from each other on the extremely comfortably couches of the coffee shop, Lu Hua seemed a bit less chirpy, though, even if the humungous iced coffee in her hands and the pink straw between her lips prevented her from looking too serious.

“Jun…? Can I talk to you about something?” Hua said, chewing a little on the straw. She waited for Junhee to answer her, and only when the younger girl nodded her she continued.

“Okay… I heard from Minseon about what happened between you and Choi Minah…” She said, eyeing at the younger girl. Junhee’s heart gave a flip and her eyes widened, but before she could even begin to explain herself, Hua continued. “Oh, I’m not going to like, yell at you, or something, don’t worry. Minnie was super pissed off when she talked to me last night, and… We both know how mean she can be. Was she mean with you?”

“Well…” Junhee started, reliving her conversation with her best friend the day before. “She was pretty harsh, but it’s not like the things she said weren’t true…”

Hua shook her head. “That’s still not good… But… Anyway, the thing is I wanted to talk to you directly about the whole thing, if that’s okay with you. All that ‘he said, she said’ thing only makes everything more confusing, and I figured that you were feeling pretty lonely since the other girls ostracized you. Is that also true…?”

Junhee nodded again, feeling extreme relief washing over her at Lu Hua’s openness. 

She had no idea she had missed the older girl so much until that moment.

“Well, they’re not talking to me. Only Baekyeon is unaware, it seems, but she’s in the other class. Gwiboon, Junghee, and Minah haven’t been with us during lunch, and Minseon didn’t talk to me today, even if she sat down with Baek and me…” Junhee explained, and Lu Hua’s eyes widened.

“For real? Woah, it’s worse than I had imagined…! But, well… I guess it is quite shocking. I never knew you were curious about your sexuality, and Minah isn’t just anyone…”

Junhee explained to Lu Hua how she had perceived her relationship with Minah before the sleepover at Gwiboon’s place; she explained to her how she had always been a little curious, but she had never really done anything about it – that she had asked herself those questions before, but she had never had the guts to answer them; she explained how a small conversation with Minseon had doubled the amount of times questions about her own sexuality popped up in her head, how the possibility that Minah liked her (but never, and she stressed that, _never_ the certainty) haunted her constantly and changed the way she saw the other girl.

She told Lu Hua about what happened at the sleepover, about she had been drunk, and Minah too, but that she had never felt so alive – she also told her about the guilt that followed the morning after, about how sick she felt, about how much she regretted what had happened, but not because she hadn’t liked it –because, and she told Lu Hua too, she doesn’t think she’s ever enjoyed anything more—, but because of what it meant.

She told Lu Hua about the confrontation with Minah, about her dumb choice of words, and about her argument with Minseon, and the older girl listened attentively to everything. 

Eventually, Junhee ran out of things to tell Lu Hua, but she was almost breathless by then, her own iced coffee pretty much untouched. Lu Hua had placed her hand on her shoulder, to rub gently and provide her with some extra comfort, her cup empty on the table in front of the couch.

“Jun… Don’t take this the wrong way, but it really sounds like you’re not under the heterosexual spectrum,” the older girl said, and Junhee shrugged, unwilling to fight anymore.

“Probably. At this point, who knows,” Junhee said, tired, but Lu Hua clicked her tongue.

“Look, you’re obviously confused. You’ve been so busy with studying and giving back to your parents that you probably haven’t even taken a time to consider that there are dozens of possibility out there. All those labels – heterosexual, homosexual, bi, pan, etcetera, can be pretty helpful, but they’re nothing more than that: labels. Honestly, you don’t _have_ to know what you are, and you don’t _have_ to stick to a label for life, as they’re only guides, but that includes the ‘heterosexual’ label that was automatically assigned to every baby that was ever born, ever. Including you.”

Junhee took a sip from her iced coffee, which was still delicious even if the ice had already melted, and looked at Lu Hua, interested.

“Society will give you shit if you try to take off that label, your parents will give you shit, your whole family, your friends, strangers – and you know? You’ve been seeing that homophobia going on around you for so long that you might also think that you have to give yourself shit if you don’t fit in that label. And that’s what I think you’re doing. It makes sense that you try to lock yourself out and convince yourself to only focus on your studies, but that’s not healthy because eventually the question will surface again, and again, looking for a label that suits you more than the ‘straight’ one. One that helps you understand yourself more, even if it doesn’t fully determine who you are. Take me, for example: I’m bisexual. Is that the only thing I am? No. I’m also Chinese, I’m also a college student, I’m also a cat-person, I’m also twenty years old, and I’m also a fan of Manchester United. Do any of those things have to do with my sexuality? Not at all. But it helps knowing that there is a name I can call myself when I am referring to sexuality. You’re only finding out now because you’re only opening up to yourself, so it’s okay that you’re confused, it really is… I was confused, too. You know Minseon was confused, too. Minah, too, and my friend Yixing, too, when he found out he was pan— we all go through that, I think.”

Junhee sighed, slumping back against the couch. Lu Hua kept on stroking her shoulder gently while she looked at her, probably looking for some sort of answer from the younger girl.

Junhee sighed, after having digested all of Lu Hua’s words, and she looked back at her.

“I understand. But does it have to be so painful and hard?” Junhee asked, softly. “Do people have to get hurt? I hurt Minah, and I wish I hadn’t hurt her. I want to make things better. I want to talk to her again! I feel like I miss her, terribly, even if we were never really that close. I think about her, often, and it doesn’t help me at all – I remember how hurt she looked when we fought and I turned her down, or how Minseon said that she cried the other day, and I feel so, so bad…!”

Hua bit her lip.

“Jun… Have you considered the possibility that you might also like her? Because it sounds a lot like that… And, honestly, I don’t think you would’ve wanted to be with her like that if you hadn’t liked her at least a little bit…”

Junhee closed her eyes.

It made sense, of course. 

“I thought she was hot before I kissed her,” Junhee said, slowly, her cheeks burning a little. Lu Hua didn’t push her. “I think I’ve always thought she’s hot… But… Since that day, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.”

The older girl nodded, “you know… I think you do like her.”

“I… Probably do, yeah…” Junhee admitted, feeling like her face was on fire, and her feet very high off the ground. “But it’s all ruined. I fucked it all up, already – she doesn’t want to see me at all.”

“Look, Jun…,” Lu Hua said, and the younger girl opened her eyes to look at her. She had that advice-y voice on. “I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that chasing a relationship when you aren’t even sure of who you are is kinda hasty. And you have the CSAT’s next semester, too, so the timing isn’t the best… But what you can do is try to be more open with her; apologize, for everything, and let her know about the situation you’re in.”

Junhee sighed, “she’ll hate me, though. She won’t want to listen to me.”

Hua shrugged, and shot her a small smile. “You won’t know unless you try. If it’s meant to be… It’ll happen. If not, then… Something better will come your way, when you’re ready.”

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

The realization that she liked Minah wasn’t as hard to cope with after her talk with Lu Hua.

The biggest difference was that the dagger wings of the butterflies in her stomach were replaced by something sweet like cotton candy, but heavy like lead. She was scared of them – of how confidently they fluttered inside of her stomach whenever the thought of Minah crossed her mind, making it hard to breathe.

But she knew she had to tame them; she couldn’t let them take over her head and cloud her judgement. 

Kim Junhee had never been the type to let her emotions take over – not even when she had a boyfriend. Not even when her dog passed away during the last year of middle school.

But why was everything so hard when it came to Minah?

 

Junhee waited for the tall girl outside of her class on Tuesday, before lunch – Minah had refused to see her at first, and she had tried to walk past her when she told her she wanted to talk to her. Baekyeon and Minseon had looked a little confused (though Minseon not that much – they had talked over the phone on the weekend, and they were at peace with each other), but eventually Minah agreed.

They stayed in the classroom, an abysmal of distance of only a couple of steps between one another. Minah sat on the edge of the teacher’s desk and crossed her arms over her chest, while Junhee stayed near the closed door.

She tried not to let her eyes linger on Minah for too long – the moment she saw her, after so long, she realized how much she had truly missed her, and the sweet heavy butterflies were set loose in her stomach again, threatening her ability to speak.

“I’m sorry,” Junhee said. She wanted to keep things to the point in case Minah decided she wasn’t worthy of her time and left. She fisted the hem of her school shirt, nervously. “I don’t know if I told you sorry the other day, but I really am sorry. I wanted to tell you that.”

“Good.” Minah said. “Is that all? I’m hungry, and it’s lunchtime right now.”

Junhee shook her head, looking at Minah. She took a deep, heavy breath.

“No, it’s not all. Please give me a moment, alright? I’ll stop bothering you forever after this, if that’s what you want.” She said, and the older girl huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Fine.”

“Okay…” Junhee said again. “As I was saying, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry, but that I don’t really regret being with you. What I regret is hurting you.”

Minah looked at her, her face serious and her arms crossed over her chest. Since she didn’t say anything, Junhee continued.

“I regret the stupid things I said to you the other day, at the bleachers. I spoke without thinking and I was unfair to you. I know that being confused and overwhelmed by everything is a lame way to try to excuse myself from saying the things I said and acting the way I did, but it’s also the truth. I am super, super confused.” Junhee said, looking hard for the right words to say. Minah tilted her head slightly, though she didn’t change her stance.

“What are you confused about?” The tall girl asked, but her voice didn’t sound very sympathetic.

“Pretty much about everything,” Junhee said, smiling lopsidedly without any real glee. 

“What, like, you’re gay all of a sudden?” Minah asked, raising an eyebrow as well as her voice. Junhee didn’t know what to respond, but Minah didn’t give her time to think of anything, as she went on talking. “You know that doesn’t change the fact that you used me, right? You could have been the gayest girl in the world from the very beginning, but if you had used me knowingly for your own benefit I still wouldn’t forgive you. I gave you everything because I thought you, too, wanted it as much as me!”

“What if I told you that I did, then?” Junhee said, firmly, looking at Minah straight in the eye. “I just told you: I don’t regret being with you. This has been so difficult for me, Minah, but I think I see it now. I see that after everything happened at the sleepover I was way too scared to realize at the moment that what happened between you and me was something that I wanted.”

“But you wanted _it_ , Junhee,” Minah explained, jumping off from the edge of the desk. “You didn’t want _me_. You wanted to fuck a girl, and you did it!”

Junhee shook her head, “no, Minah, I didn’t want to do it with just any girl.” Her heart was beating loud behind her ears as she noticed herself getting close to a dangerous line.

“Well, then; you wanted to be with a girl who wanted to be with you too, same difference.” Minah started walking towards her, but she didn’t look at her. She simply made it towards the door with long strides. “I don’t have time for this—“

“—Minah, I like you.” 

Junhee felt like her heart stopped beating inside of her chest. She had closed her eyes although she hadn’t realized.

Slowly, she turned around to see the other girl facing the door, her hand on the handle. Her long black hair reached her lower back, and it looked as black and silky as it had looked on the school hall, on the soccer courtyard, every day during lunch at the cafeteria; just as shiny and soft as it had felt tangled between her fingers when her head was between her thighs. 

“I don’t wanna hear it…” Minah said, her voice barely above a whisper, before she opened the door and exited the classroom, leaving Junhee alone inside.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Summer vacation started that same week.

Junhee didn’t see Minah again during that semester, but at least, Gwiboon and Junghee started talking to her again – which was surprising, to say the least.

Gwiboon and Baekyeon had signed up for the same intensive preparation program for the standardized exams they would have to take at the end of the second academic semester, and Minseon went to her house often, still. Junghee seemed more reticent about hanging out with her, but Junhee didn’t really blame her.

She found that distracting herself from thoughts of Minah wasn’t as hard after she told the taller girl that she liked her – rejection, although painful, was something certain and factual, and facts she could work with. Uncertainty, not so much.

She had been expecting it, if she was being honest – perhaps, she had even wanted it. She had given Minah a chance to feel big again after making her feel small; she had given herself a reason to keep her feet on the ground, to think things with a cooler head, to understand where she was truly standing. She had lost herself a friend, but then again, had Minah and her been friends to begin with? 

(Still, Junhee had cried a few times, when the nights were too hot to sleep. She wished she had understood things sooner, so things could have happened differently.) 

The last semester went by in a flash, just as Junhee predicted.

Minah reappeared at the lunch table, and at the sight of her Junhee realized that the months of summer vacation, busy with the study program and a family trip to Jeju, hadn’t managed to erase the mark the tall girl had left behind.

They didn’t look at each other, and perhaps everyone could tell, but everyone was good at pretending that things were quite alright, if only for the sake of a peaceful last semester in high school.

In the blur of student activities, studying, and exploring options for college, Junhee remembered the graduation ceremony quite vividly. Gwiboon and her had delivered a long speech, as representatives of the student council, and her mom hadn’t stopped taking pictures of her all the way through it. She remembered clapping extra hard when Minah went up to receive her graduation diploma, and that the tall girl had grinned so brightly it comforted Junhee. They got to meet Taemin, too, and Junhee was sure she heard Gwiboon tell Junghee that she was right about him being a babe. 

“Congrats”, Minah told her in the midst of parents hugging their recently graduated daughters and taking pictures of them. She had smiled at her, and it was a little shy. “It wasn’t the best year for us, but… We made it, I guess.”

Junhee smiled, too. It felt strange, of course – Minah had left behind a void that couldn’t be filled because Junhee had never imagined Minah was the person she wanted. They had never even gotten too far, but things had crumbled even before they could build to anything, and Junhee felt like she would always hold the pieces of “what ifs” inside of her.

“We made it, yes. Congratulations to you too, Minah,” Junhee said, a bit too formally. Minah bowed her head at her, the bouquet of orange daisies and sunflowers she was holding in her arms bobbing with the movement, and Junhee was about to return the gesture when Baekyeon pulled at her forcefully, yelling something about getting their ‘last group picture in high school!’.

Gwiboon hugged her around her waist, and Minseon put her arm around her neck as they all grinned for the several pictures their parents took.

Junhee laughed. She wasn’t sure what she laughed about, but it seemed like something stupid not to be happy. Her mouth was open, her teeth showing, and her eyes closed, crinkles adorning the corners of them, and she looked like that in every single picture they took of that moment.

Things were changing, and it was scary, but it was going to be okay. She had graduated top of her class, she was going to study law in one of the top universities in Seoul, she had plenty of regrets and things she had yet to learn, but she knew she was going to figure things out.

She was going to be okay.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

_Seven years later…_

 

There was a long queue at the café, but it was to be expected – there were dozens of office buildings around, and since it was noon, there were hundreds of office workers flooding every venue that sold food nearby for their lunch breaks.

Kim Junhee was one of them.

It was a hot summer day, and Junhee was glad she had decided to cut her hair because it prevented her neck from becoming sweaty and dirtying the blouses she used for work. 

She had cut it at Minseon’s suggestion, when her friend told her that cutting her hair after a bad break-up could be very therapeutic and liberating (it had helped her, at least, when she and Lu Hua broke up almost four years into their relationship), and Junhee found that she was totally right. Kyungsoon and her had started dating during her last year of college, and they were together for almost two years, until the previous winter. The breakup had been pretty bad, but Junhee’s friends helped her through it. 

Baekyeon offered to cut her hair, which she did in the living room of the apartment where she lived with her husband Chanyeol and their two-year-old daughter (who was born merely four months after their wedding – Junhee still wondered how Baekyeon managed to hide her swollen belly in the tight and ironically white dress she wore for the ceremony), scissors in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

Junhee had liked the way she looked with her hair reaching just below her ears, so she decided to keep it like that even when she was way over her break up. Just the week before, though, she decided to dye her hair blonde at her old friend Gwiboon’s suggestion. She was getting her Master’s Degree at a university in London, but they still kept in touch and skyped each other sometimes. Junhee had thought why not? She had been a brunette for way too long.

She had to admit she felt sexy, powerful, and even unstoppable with her short blonde hair, her tight blouse tucked inside her pencil skirt, and her four inch pumps, even though she was only waiting on queue at Starbucks to order a panini and an iced Americano. 

She didn’t have much time to waste, though – there was a lot of paperwork to catch up with at the office (an important and well-known lawyer firm)— so as soon as she received her order from one of the exaggeratedly happy baristas, she headed towards the door. She could eat at her desk; it didn’t matter to her. 

But as she was about to reach the door, a person coming in from the outside pushed it open without really seeing her, and their action sent her cup of coffee against her, part of the iced liquid spilling on her grey satin blouse.

“Oh, no…!” Junhee exclaimed. She looked down at her blouse, and after moving the paper bag with her panini to the same one with which she was holding her cup of coffee, she inspected the fabric with her fingers, trying to see just how damaged it was after the incident. The coffee would certainly leave an ugly stain on it. “Why, why, why…!”

“Oh, god!” The other person said – a young woman, judging by her voice. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you – I was looking at something in my phone when I opened the door, and I swear I didn’t see you—I’m so sorry!”

Junhee felt annoyance taking over her, even though she had learnt to redirect her negative feelings through respiration techniques during yoga classes in college. She had no time for respiration techniques, though, so she simply rubbed uselessly at the brown blotch on her cleavage, making up her mind to wash it a little bit in the office restroom. “Ugh, whatever, just be more careful next time.”

“Wait!” The woman said when Junhee started heading towards the door again, still focused on the stain on her shirt. She paid her no attention – she exited the Starbucks and started walking back towards the building where the lawyer firm she worked at was located.

She only managed to walk a few steps before she heard the woman’s voice calling again, telling her to wait, along with the sound of fast footsteps on the sidewalk.

She turned around to face her.

“I told you it’s fine, don’t bother—!” She insisted, making it clear that she wasn’t in the mood, but her voice died in her throat when her eyes focused on the first time on the woman that had made her spill her coffee on her cleavage.

The woman had long burgundy hair, though one of the sides of her head was shaved, which gave her a very cool vibe. She had a nose ring, and her lips were a matte, dark cherry color that suited her bronzed skin very well. She was taller than her despite the fact that she was wearing high heels, and her eyes were round, deep, and dark, though they the glistened under the summer sun. Her jaw dropped, and Junhee’s almost fell, too, when she realized—

“Choi Minah?” She asked, incredulous. Years upon years had passed since the last time she had seen the other girl. If she was not mistaken, it had probably been at Taemin’s birthday party five years ago, but they hadn’t spoken a single word to each other.

Junhee had avoided her, actually, so she didn’t think that event counted.

The last time they had actually spoken had been at their high school graduation.

“Junhee?” She asked, her eyes wide. “Holy shit, is it really you? I didn’t recognize you! You look so… Different!”

The short girl snorted, but she blushed softly and brought her free hand to twirl a strand of short blonde hair absentmindedly. “Is it a good kind of different or a bad kind of different?”

“The blonde hair,” the taller woman said, gesturing at Junhee’s hair with one of her hands – the lawyer noticed she was holding a bunch of paper napkins in it, and that she had what looked like a camera bag on her shoulder. “It looks very good on you.”

Junhee chuckled. “You look good with red hair, too. And is that ring real? You don’t look like a sports major, though.”

Minah shook her head, smiling. “I changed majors. I studied photography, instead. I’m actually heading to a photoshoot right now… Oh! Right!” She jumped suddenly, and she offered the napkins she had taken from Starbucks to Junhee. “I’m honestly, really very sorry.”

“Ah, whatever…” Junhee said, a bit more calm about the entire coffee-stain situation. It wasn’t the end of the world. Running into Minah should have felt more like the apocalypses, but she was surprised by how relaxed she felt.

Things were certainly not the same.

She accepted the napkins from Minah, though, and smiled at her softly. “I can clean it up at the office…”

“Oh! Where are you working?” The taller asked, and Junhee couldn’t help but think that she looked even prettier than she did back in high school, with her long red hair swaying, and her dark cherry lips forming a beautiful smile.

“At Yulchon, actually.” Junhee beamed, proudly. Minah nodded, appreciatively.

“Woah, for real? That’s very cool! Congratulations!” she said, and Junhee nodded gratefully.

“Yeah, thank you, Minah,” Junhee said, simply. She was smiling, though she wasn’t very sure why. She remembered things had been heavy and difficult between them seven years ago, but it all seemed so far away, and all those problems suddenly seemed so small. Junhee had liked Minah, and she had liked her a lot – but they had done everything the wrong way, and in the end they ended up going separate ways. It had never occurred to her that it was very likely for them to see each other again, but she probably would have never imagined she would feel as calm and tranquil.

All of a sudden she wished she didn’t have to go. 

She wanted to ask Minah about the things had done, about what made her abandon her career in soccer (despite not seeing each other, she was aware Minah had gotten a sports scholarship, but she didn’t know she had changed her major into something so artistic), whether her nose ring had hurt or not, what her photoshoot was about, but she wasn’t really sure if she should make all those questions. She wasn’t sure if, after everything that had happened in the past between them and all the time that went by since then, she was allowed to pry about her life.

“I really have to get going, or I’ll be late…” The taller woman said, bringing Junhee back to reality. “But it was nice seeing you. Though I’m still sorry I ruined your blouse…”

Junhee chuckled and waved her off with her hand. “It’s fine—“

“—And I, uh…,” Minah interrupted, scratching the back of her neck. “I’m glad that you’re doing so well. You deserve it, you worked hard.”

“I did,” Junhee agreed with a soft chuckle. “You did too, I’m sure. I’m glad.”

“Yeah,” Minah said, nodding as she took a step back, and Junhee noticed her fidgeting with the strap of her camera bag. “So, see you around, I guess!”

“Yeah! Who knows,” Junhee asked, and her gut twisted a little. It was like the awkwardness of their first years of friendship had dawned upon them once again, but with a difference. They had grown and changed since then. Junhee bit her lip and frowned, and in the fraction of a second she made a decision. “Or, you know what? If it’s okay with you maybe we could get a cup of coffee together, to catch up and all that…”

Minah seemed surprised, but not in a bad way. “Oh, that would be cool!”

They agreed to exchange numbers before they left so they could plan a get-together in the near future, and Junhee felt like there was something extremely funny about everything. They were like strangers and old friends simultaneously, but they weren’t really any of those things.

As Minah was saving her phone number in Junhee’s phone a slight smirk spread on her lips. “Or, you know…” The tall girl started, and Junhee hummed in acknowledgement as she looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe we could get drinks instead? If that’s okay with you…?”

Junhee laughed, and her short hair brushed against the sides of her neck.

“It’s very okay by me.” She said as she slipped her phone back in her bra (she didn’t have pockets, and she wasn’t going to put on a jacket in the middle of the summer just to carry some small things around).

“Great,” Minah said, an honest smile on her lips.

“Great,” Junhee agreed.

 

More than a week passed before Junhee remembered to wash her coffee-stained satin blouse, but the next time she wore it, a bit over a month later, Minah was the one who took it off her that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! You'd make me the happiest person in the world if you wrote a comment and left kudos!! ❤️❤️❤️


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